we have pet lesbian snakes
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
