She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
wow bdsm is so cute
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
