His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
