well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
