I wanna passion pit in your ass
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
