She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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