The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
