Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
