Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
