Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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