Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
