I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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