Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
