My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Your penis caused this!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
