atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
