is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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