I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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