Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
