I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
