Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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