You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
