do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
and you fell through a lawn chair
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
