The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
im holly from the hills drunk
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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