I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
