he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
