that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize