I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
