Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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