Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
