Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
FUCK WHALES
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
