i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
