omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize