I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
