I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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