seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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