I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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