I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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