Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
