we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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