Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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