What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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