Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How does one acquire holy water?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
