somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
