stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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