eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
