you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
