I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
