I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
