The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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