I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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