Say something about gay babies.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
