she woke up with a sticky ear
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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