He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
