Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize