on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
