Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
