Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
if only i could text you this smell
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
