Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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