dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
