Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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