Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
