We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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