i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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