If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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