Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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