it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
