he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
