he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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