I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
COCAINE IS GR8
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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