who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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