the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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