he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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