How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
